Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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