Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
