You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
