I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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