the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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