it was like eating out sand paper
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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