This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
