come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
