I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
