good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
