a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
