Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
