Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
