My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
