I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
