Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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