Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I believe in your delicious
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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