why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
