How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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