there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
