the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
