She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
