You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
