i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
