I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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