drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
