Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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