That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
