He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
