Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
