I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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