I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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