You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
