he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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