I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
