I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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