Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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