so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
