he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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