I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
