I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
