I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
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