I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
