I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
