So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
