Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Small penises have feelings too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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