Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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