I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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