break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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