After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
