Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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