i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
