I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
