I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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