the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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