My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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