Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
