Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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