Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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