I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
