dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
