Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
