my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
